Day 105-111. Feb 27- March 5th

 After what felt like a period of massive progress, this week proved to be not only challenging but hugely frustrating.

It started well enough with us continuing to focus on exercise, strength and balance while raising myself from seated to standing unaided. However on Tuesday evening the team informed me that they were taking another inch off my prosthetic legs to help with getting up from sitting and to lower my centre of gravity for balance. Now this is going to sound odd to some I suppose but all I could think was “ I don’t want to be 5ft 5...I’m 5ft 6!” ( and yes, I realise without prosthetics I’m considerably shorter).

I didn’t say a great deal at the time but the more I thought about it the more upsetting it became. I am 5ft 6. It’s what I am and is part of who I am. I talked it through with David and yes, I understood it was for my own benefit. Yes, I know it might only be for a short while. And yes I realise it will make it easier for him to see if he’s stood behind me at concerts but actually, NO.

The rational part of me knew all of the reasoning and could agree, but emotionally it just felt like I’d been robbed of yet another part of my identity. I have no doubt that had I discussed it further with the team they would have listened but deep down I knew that it was being done for all the right reasons.  

Wednesday morning came and I made my way down to the gym to try my new and improved, shorter legs. We went through all of the usual routine and I was less than convinced they’d made any difference and at the end of it all I was left feeling very flat. To top it off, on the afternoon while being manoeuvred onto my side I had another episode of vertigo and it just knocked the wind out of my sails. 

I spent the rest of Wednesday and the whole of Thursday with the team insisting I stay in bed and working on exercises to alleviate the vertigo symptoms. This, on top of the leg change and news from home that the installation of the lift in our house had been stalled, left me feeling pretty low.

Thankfully , on Friday I was able to make my way back down to the gym, although I was carefully moved from my bed to my chair, wheeled down to do my exercises, and then carefully wheeled back and popped back into bed. If I’m honest, I was feeling a little better about things in general but then on Friday afternoon the team arrived with my newly adjusted Hooks.

Surprisingly, the sight of the hooks had no real effect on me other than relief that they were finally back and we could get on with training me how to use them. From the video it would seem I have made a good start but I can’t be complacement as I know it takes a lot of practice to become truly proficient in using them.

I realise that in order to move forward and learn to adapt to my situation it is going to take a huge amount of learning of new skills and personal growth. Hopefully some of that will include becoming 5 ft 6 again. 🙂