March - June 2022

 Well where to start?

I suppose by addressing the fact that it’s been 4 months since my last post would be a good enough place.

The last 16 weeks or so have been some of the most emotionally challenging I’ve encountered since I finally came home back in March 21. The last month and a half has also been physically tough but I will explain as we go on. While none of this period has been particularly tragic, it has been difficult and trying to find a way to convey that in the blog without sounding negative or self pitying seemed just too big a task to take time out to tackle.

That said, we always intended this blog to be an honest account and insight into the everyday challenges of an amputee so here we go. (Don’t worry, I promise it’s not a moan fest 😉)

March and April brought some significant dates around on my calendar, being a year since I was finally discharged from hospital ..My Home-iversary..and 2 years since my first amputations..My Ampuversary. My initial thought was that I would mark these dates with a positive look back at just how far I had come and to some extent I did. What I wasn’t  expecting was that the conversations we had around that  would prompt both myself and David to take stock of what had just happened and where that left us.We had both been so focussed on moving forward that we had pushed the enormity of the change, and what that represented for our future, to the back of our minds while we concentrated on the here and now.

 What should have been a celebration of progress made and a life reclaimed, actually became a bit of a mourning of a future changed and a lifestyle lost. Mourning may sound too strong a word but it’s difficult to quantify that loss. 

I suppose I was naive in thinking that once I came out of hospital that would be it. Ops done, rehabilitation started. But as any other amputee knows, further operations and revisions are a constant possibility. So it was with me. Three of my four limbs required attention. After speaking with the Surgeon, I elected to have all the procedures done at once. My thought was that if I got them all done at the same time, they would all heal at the same time and I’d be out of action for a shorter time.

The lead up to the operations was so different to my initial amputations. With those I just wanted the limbs gone. This time all I could think of was what if it made things worse?. What if I got infections? What if I needed further revisions?  I think this is because I consider myself to have been pretty lucky so far with my residual limbs. I have met and spoken to so many other amputees who’s recovery and rehabilitation has been a constant round of Ops and procedures. Was I about to do the same?

My concern wasn’t over the actual procedures. I have huge faith in the Surgeon and his team along with all at Ward 35 in James Cooke hospital. I knew I was in good hands and the procedures went exactly to plan.

Did I mention naivety?😂…what I hadn’t taken into account was that having three limbs healing at the same time would leave me with only one workable limb, my left arm. Now I’m grateful for my left arm , I really am, but it’s my shortest arm. And I’m right handed!….I really hadn’t thought this through. The result was that on discharge from hospital, I was practically incapable of doing anything for myself. Transferring onto my chair wasn’t an option as skin grafts on my legs were too fragile to drag across from the bed so for the last six weeks I’ve been bed bound. 

After spending so long trying to gain some level of independence, those hard won gains are even harder lost. Our bedroom has been transformed into my primary living area. It has become our communal Dining room, TV room and meeting area.. the only way we can spend time together as a family. It’s also my clinic for meeting District nurses, carers and Plastics specialists as well as my Toilet and bathroom. All carried out from the comfort of my own bed ( comfortable, it is not!). I know David has also found this really difficult. When I first came home in 2021, David was furloughed meaning he was able to concentrate solely on my recovery. This time he has been back at work as well as being my primary care provider.

So what’s the positive spin to round off this post?..Well I’m not sure I have one other than my hope that it’s given a small insight into my recovery. It seems that progress isn’t linear and doesn’t streak along at the same pace all the time. What has felt to us both like a huge step backwards actually isn’t. It’s a pause. A plateau….or a Launchpad maybe 🙂