January 2022

 Welcome to 2022 and what I hope will prove to be brighter and more settled year for us all. I’m certainly hoping it’s more settled for me than January proved to be.

After a lovely Christmas with the three of our kids home and some interesting Christmas gift choices 😂……..

 ….my New year started in such an emotionally unsettling way. Things were bobbling along quite nicely until one evening we were watching David Tennant on TV. 

Now anyone who knows me and my fondness for the former Dr. Who ( hence the life size cut out who lives in our kitchen 🙄) would think that this can only be a happy story but unfortunately, not so.

 He was playing the part of the adventurer Phileas Fogg in Around the World in 80 days and this in turn got us talking about the various places we had visited around the world. 

What started as a lovely trip down memory lane, remembering the amazing places I’d visited and the wonderful people I had met quickly turned completely upside down and in my head just showed me the the limitations of any plans I had for future travel. That then just brought on an immense sense of loss.

I held it together until we went to bed but once there David knew something was wrong. He asked me to tell him and I said I was okay but he knew it wasn’t and pressed me on it. Once I started, it developed into total meltdown! 

I was just so sad for what I had lost that it felt unbearable. I couldn’t see any way forward and at that point, didn’t even want to go forward. I just wanted this to be over.  David is normally the first to counter any negative thoughts I have but he knew that this wasn’t the time for platitudes or debate. He simply let me cry it out.

Once I had stopped he once again started painting the pictures of where I had been and where I was now. What we could have lost and what we still have and most importantly, what we can have. The dark cloud that had descended had allowed me to only see what wasn’t possible. I hadn’t been able to even contemplate what was.

A visit the following evening from my Plastic surgeon just helped me see those possibilities even more. He pointed out that this is still very early days in my rehabilitation. He also pointed out that in order to improve and reclaim my independence three of my four limbs are going to require remedial surgeries. Far from knocking my mood again, he was able to show me these as opportunities for improvement and I have agreed to have all procedures done in one go. That way, the interruption to my rehabilitation is hopefully over in one short period.

This has spurred me on to make the most of my physio and rehab before the surgeries happen and to get as far ahead as I can before I’m forced to rest up. At the next Physio session, I completed my longest distance of independent walking! We knocked up a comparison video on Tiktok 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLNoYTsa/

And finally. With the help of the Open Bionics foundation and  the kindness of an individual who would prefer to stay anonymous, they have jointly funded the full cost of a Hero arm!!!!!🦾 The funds were finalised and paid last week. Unfortunately, my upcoming surgeries are going to delay the actual fitting and completion of the arm but the thought that it is there and waiting for me is so gratifying. I am blessed.

That said, we have decided to wind up the Gofundme page. It has has achieved all we had aimed for and so much more. The kindness of friends and strangers has been both amazing and humbling. I can never fully repay the kindness shown but I certainly intend to pay it forward in whatever way I can, whether that be through giving my time to help out at the Foodcycle community Kitchen I’ve been volunteering at ( at least I should be able to carry the plates soon 🙂) or through using the blog to raise awareness or fundraising for other Sepsis or Amputee causes.

Again, another long one but I always intended for this blog to truthfully reflect my journey, both highs and lows. January managed to reach extremes of both.